Part 5:  "The Escape"

 

 

Ive had my Ford Escape since March 2007.  One month before my stepdad passed away.  It was in March that he decided he wanted to get me a more reliable car, and in the process downsize so it would be easier for us after he was gone.  He traded in his Special anniversary 40th (I think - I forget now) Edition Mustang, his big F150 truck, and we got the Escape which at the time was barely a year old.  Only used by one of the dealership people, so it had under 15,000k on it.  I picked it out.  I researched it, test drove it, and just fell in love with it.  Its been great.  I have all the space I could ever possibly need, and all the features that it can handle (except Satellite radio - but who needs that? I play Hedley cds :P).  I understand that with vechiles comes maintenance, and I keep mine up to date all the time.  It goes in for routine maintence when its supposed to, and on top of that I pay the $130.00 every year to have it rust proofed.  This past year was a hard year on the Escape.  In the summer it was hit twice - once when someone backed into it here in my buildings parking lot... and a day later a kid was playing with a ball and hit and dented it.  Ive put new brake pads on, and now Monday get to drop 78.00 (45.00 for the part and 23.00 in labor plus tax) on a small plastic panel that was near the rear passenger window on the drivers side.  It came off yesterday - how I have no idea.  Other then I looked out the window at it at work, after lunch, and couldnt figure out what the weird black marks were.  I went out, and then noticed what it was.  No sign of the part.  It wouldnt have come off on its own, I havent pressure washed it in a lil while, and am not rough on my vehicle by any means.  Im getting tired of other poeple being the afflict-tees of my poor Escape.  With that said, I think the Escape may be trying to hook me up with the cute guy at the Ford dealer.  Hes helped me a couple times now add air to my tires, and then he was the one that gave me the cheap 23.00 in labor to put this new piece back on.  I know this, because he looked at me, smiled, took my keys, and then told the guy to only charge that much... over what could have been a 50.00 or more fee.  So now, Monday after work I'll have to make sure when I go over to have that done, and my oil changed... that my hair looks good, makeup is on, and everything else. :P Because who knows - you never know what'll happen. 

  Part 4: “Hopeful”

Theres plenty of fish in the sea. You'll find one someday. Stop looking, and he'll come. Sick of hearing those lines? You bet! So much so, I'm willing to remain hopeful that God isn't holding back on me, and he will give in and let me find the right guy sooner or later. Hopefully sooner! I wish the whole dating thing was simpler. I don't want it as easy as arranged marriages though. I would like some say in the matter. I just wish guys had to be like they were back in the old days. Bring on the chivalry, and the balls... I mean – nerve that they would have no problem walking up to you and asking you out. What'd I say about girls breaking through the glass ceiling... and being their own independent selves... forget that for a moment. :P I think this is a guy territory thing. Matchmaker, matchmaker, make me a match... make him a good one.... *cough* …. Um, right. I was saying how I wish I had the courage to be able to ask a guy out myself right? Like the cute guy that is a mechanic at the Ford dealer that I deal with. Or the many other cute guys that I oogle over and wish I could make my own. Half the time I'll admit that I don't even know what I want. Or I do, and once I think I find it, I nit pick and over think things and end up leaving the poor bastard like an abandoned fish that the novelty has worn off. Well... what I mean is, I dwell on the negatives... the annoying things that I just cant stand. Granted, I do know everyone is not perfect. Yes, I'm sure I have my own faults. I'm sure I do – just not sure what they would be... ;) What I'm trying to say is, I'm tired of being alone. Well not really – I do like my independence and my own space. But I would like some company. Someone to share some stuff with. Some – because I don't like sharing everything. Some – cause I'm willing to compromise and perhaps fully share something. I'll be 27 soon. I should be thinking of settling down soon, right? I should have already found someone. Should be wearing a sparkling diamond solitaire... I want a square princess cut – gold diamond ring. But don't follow the tradition of spending 3 pay cheques on it though. Your other 2 pay cheques could go towards our new home... right? Cant I just find a cute, funny, sweet, intelligent, employed, family oriented guy with his own vehicle (theres no way I'm playing chauffeur all the time) and his own place? Do they exist? Other wise, I think I'm f-ed. :P

 

Part 3: “The Light Bulb Clicked – whether it was on or off that is to be determined...”

I wrote about the light bulb clicking on before, but I don't recall what it was in regards to. I don't think it was about this, so its okay... I can continue. You know how in life when you reminisce about some of your old flames, your old boyfriends/girlfriends, or just people that you crushed over... you can get caught up in a few emotions: A) Hatred – thinking of that person only makes you mad B) Disgust – thinking of that person makes you disgusted with either them, or yourself for going out with them C) Sadness – you're not quite over that relationship or D)Happiness – Glad you're not involved with him/her anymore. My light bulb moment clicked when I realized someone I liked did something that made me not like them as much anymore (actually its been more then that, but that was an epitome moment). One of those, oh my god - I'm so freaking glad I didn't ruin everything by doing all that I could have done with you. Oh yes, the once dark opaque ocean waters are crystal clear now. No, the frosted glass light bulb is crystal clear (bahhahahaha). You'll always remain a part of me, you'll always have that one little part of my heart....but I see you for who you are now. I'm over you now, and this time I say it for real. I guess that means I wont be calling out your name anymore when I'm with that other guy. Kidding! :P

I had thought I had finished this entry, but that is not the case. After finishing Part 4, I shut off my laptop and thought I would find sleep. That was not the case. I was probably just as restless as I was before, so out came the laptop again. I felt a need to add to this entry. It sounded too simple. Clean cut; cookie cutter precise. Thats not the case though. This part of my life has never been so uncomplicated, so easy. Ive liked this someone for a long time. Longer then anyone outside of family obviously. They can spark such emotion and feeling from my being its really hard to explain other then that. Over time, when I get upset or annoyed I vow that I'll lose all this interest in this person and move on. I say it, but it never happens. This time though I feel it – I think I can stick to it. Actually, not I think... I will. Its time to move on. Because really, hooking up with this person again would only make me happy for a little while. I think our differences afterwards would drive us insane. We're more like Jacob and Bella, not Edward and Bella (Hows that for a subtle Twilight fan reference? :P). Destined to be friends for ever, because I cant imagine him not in my life at all. Its like Rose and Jack in Titanic. That final scene where shes on that floating piece of drywall and hes in the water. After he's gone.. she lets go of his frozen hand; ready to be saved. Similar yes. Very similar. This is becoming a cheesy entry, and I'm losing focus. Time to end it. Fin.

 

Part One: “Bob”

One of my first thoughts was this. It was about my step dad. His birthday just past on November 14^th. It felt really odd. Time is going by so quickly, and I cant believe come April it will be 3 years. Its upsetting to think that now I'm forgetting how his laugh used to sound. How I can visualize running my finger tips over the top of his hand and arm after he had passed, and I cant remember how his skin felt. I thank god I have a photographic memory sometimes, and can still imagine the sparkle in his eyes. Familiar scents will bring back memories of him too. A lot of the time I'm torn. I want to go out to the cemetery to visit him more. But then I remember how he used to tell me not to become one of those types. He used to say he may be there in one form, but really hes not there. He's apart of me – who I am in my heart and soul. In another he's always in my memories. He's in my photos, so I can remember him. Hes up in heaven, fishing. Or maybe hes watching Nascar. He'll have our dogs that have passed around him too. Theres a rye and coke no doubt on the table in front of him. With those crunchy Cheeto cheesies too. I couldn't count the number of times where I have done something, experienced something, or witnessed something that I wished he was still around so I could share that. Recently, I was alone in my apartment and it just felt like someone was in it with me. I hope if any spirits or whatever were around, I hope it was him. I want to speak to a psychic and have them reassure me that hes okay. That he is doing all the things I picture him doing. I want to know what he thinks of who Ive become since hes been gone. Is he proud, or disappointed. Does he want me to change something? He was apart of my life for over 17 years. Call me selfish, but I don't think that was enough time. I want more time with him. He was supposed to be on one of my arms to walk me down the aisle. My dad on the other arm. I wanted him to hold my first child. Now, none of that will ever happen. Instead, everyone will have to settle for the recounts of my memories of when I can tell them about one of the greatest men that ever lived. Someone that meant the world to me, showed me a lot of things in life, and gave me just as much. I miss you 'Bob'. I love you, and miss you a lot.

(I wrote this last night....) 

 

Today would have been 'Bob's' birthday.

Not only can I hardly believe its November already - this year has gone by way too fast!  Its even harder to comprehend that in April it will be 3 years that he's been gone.  I miss him, alot. 

Or is it *click* ?  Whatever the sound a lightbulb makes when it turns on.   The moment in time where everything becomes so crystal clear its unbeknownst/unfathomnable/or enter other big word here -- to you why you didnt think of it before.   I had that idea just come to me about 30 minutes ago.  I was getting off the elevator making my way to my apartment and it hit me.  After much deliberation since after supper I think I know what I want to do now.  Its time to reset goals.  Things I had since put aside for who knows how long now.  Before it was living through the motions, going with the flow.  Settling.  Im sick of settling.  I want to do something for me.  Granted, it will take time.  Everything takes time.  But I will get there.  Its in my mind set now, and with fingers crossed... I plan on following this one through.  It'll take work, and time... that means no more Farmville or Aquarium or wasting time on the computer.  Lets put these points into motion. 

 

Dear Bella,

 

As we have discussed numerous times since the begining of November, I just thought I would send you a little reminder.  Santa is not coming to you this year.  Why?  Because of the following:

 

- Your insistent meowing as of late for no reason is getting annoying.

- The fact that you do it early early in the morning is of no help either.  You have plenty of food and water.

- Fake cuddling then biting - not cool.

 

So unless you decide to better behave, I suggest you keep this in mind. Santa is always - and I mean ALWAYS - watching you.  You only have 48 more days you know.

 

 

Sincerely,

 

 

Santa.

Whats that you say?  The skin above your eyebrows looks insanely red... what happened?  Oh you know... just my regular every month or two month routine.  Jump into my spaceship, and astro-suit and do some gravity defying stunts off the surface of the sun.  Seriously.  OK, ok.. maybe not.  More so along the lines of I just had my eyebrows waxed... and this was a new girl that did it (seeing the girl I normally go to was not in today).  I think she felt bad, 'cause she really layered the 'cooling' cream to my skin.  :P  Now I dont know if its the after effect of the wax pulling each individual eyebrow out of its nicely rooted whatever.... or the over use of the cooling cream... but I cant feel my eyebrows right now. :P

Its the weekend of Thanksgiving.  Also known as the weekend where you'll have an extra day off, family get togethers, and turkey, dressing etc coming out your ying-yang.  On that note, I do plan on stuffing my face this weekend, and it will be good.  Oh - so - worth - it too.  Its like I can almost smell it now, except its not quite as yummy smelling as my grannys.  It must mean someone else on my apartment floor is cooking turkey today too.  

 

So Ive been trying to think of what Im thankful for, and in some cases its a no brainer.  Others its a struggle.  Today is one of those days where life is far from easy, so toughen up cupcake... youre out in the real world now. 

 

Im thankful for.......

 

1- Family and friends.  Its probaby the first thing everyone will come up with when they sit there at the thanksgiving table and try and think of what they're thankful for.  Because really, where would we be without them.  First off, you have to thank your parents, or else you wouldnt be here today.  Family you thank, because no matter what you do, or what you become... they're always there for you.  They have to be.  Friends you thank, because they make life entertaining.  They're also there for you when you need them, or when you dont need them... to lend an ear when you need someone to listen... or shed some advice when you need to be told something youre not coming up with on your own.

 

2- My Suv Escape.  I would seriously be lost without my 24/7 access to my vehicle.  It can take me anywhere and whenever I want to go. 

 

3- Bella (my cat).  Shes my cheap entertainment around here somedays.  Well maybe she isnt so cheap.  Its a $24.00 a month cat litter and cat food, pain in the ass meower when youre trying to sleep somedays.... sometimes too independant but always there to greet you pet. 

 

4- My Job. Without it I wouldnt be able to pay bills, live on my own in my apartment sans roomies, afford food to eat, and other life necessities etc.   I also wouldnt have met all the great people that I have.   

 

5- My Camera.  Its my passion.  Photography has become my life.  I can count on it whenever Im bored or looking to be creative.   My outlet.  I love it.

Not high definition :P  Home Depot. 

 

Im going to make one with the aisles, shelves, and stock of Home Depot... 'cause thats where all the cute guys are.  Or so it seemed today when my friend and I had Harveys.... and I was taking in all the man-ly scenery. :)

 

Its been yet another funny week at work.

Ive been told the following:

 

 

Paitent #1  - an older man who is in his late 60s-early 70s.  On Monday or Tuesday.  "Jennifer, do you like old age creeping up on you?"  This is where my face always goes red and I laugh.  "We still have to go on our date you know.  Youre my new girl, and I have my eyes set on you.  I even had my doctor look me over to make sure I could make sure I could keep up with you.  Next appointment, we can hold hands - ok".  Hes a really funny man, and just loves joking around.  Makes for entertaining afternoons when he comes in.

 

Patient #2 - an older lady who I love, because shes so kind.  "I hope you have a wonderful thanksgiving."  I told her how I was having two thanksgiving dinners, and she replied "Oh, youre one lucky girl.  I think I'll follow you around." When I said, sure - she can if she would like to, she laughed and said "Jennifer, youre a really sweet girl. "

 

Patient #3 - a patient who was genuinely happy with the help and service we gave him.  "Thank you, youre a nice lady." :P

 

Patient #4 - "Jennifer, you can call me ________.  When I hear Mr...... so and so, I feel old, and besides... what will people think that when we go on our date if youre calling me Mr ________. "  This was a different patient  - not the same man as before. :P

 

Patient #5 - One of my favorites - When we were talking and he was saying how hes looking after some sick boys:  How about this, I'll see if OHIP will pay me for looking after the sick guys, and if you fax the paperwork, and I do the sick coverage... you get 10% I get 90%.. and you can go to your next Hedley concert. "  I made it clear that10% wouldnt get me my concert, but maybe my cd. :)

 

Patient #6 - "Theres the always happy and bubbly Jennifer..."  I love this lady too. :)

 

 

Over the course of time Ive been working where Iam, Ive received numerous compliments, gifts etc from patients.  Not only do the people I work for make work fun, but the patients do too.  Its in those moments, where you realize how much you love your job and the people you meet everyday. 

 

 

 

 

 

New people moved in above me last month.  Recently, they got a puppy.  This is the second time Ive had to complain.  Not only does this dog sound like it weighs 1000 lbs when its running from one end of the apartment to the other... but it whines, it barks, and then they throw toys for it that bang across the floor.  My apartment used to be insanely quiet, and when you were sleeping it was sleeping in a tomb.  Last night, at 245 AM I awoke to that stupid dog, whining and then they let it out of its cage and let it run around for over an hour and a half.  The rent here is not cheap enough that I should just buy ear plugs and let the matter slide.  If this keeps up, as nice as I like it here... Id be leaving if this doesnt get straightened around.  Im not impressed.  Im tired.... and very cranky this morning.  Thanks alot people in ###.

As in, Im trying to hold out to go without having to turn my heat on until atleast Oct 1st.  Today is proving it rather difficult though.  I swear it feels like its cold enough outside it could snow. 

 

I bought a new Columbia Coat today after work.  I have a Columbia Coat already - white/blue/navy.  Now I have a white/black one.  Its more fitted etc.  Also a 3 in one.  So Im super excited.  I think I'll model it again when I sign off to watch tv. :P 'Cause Id hate to say next year that "Oh it was so cold last year - that I had the heat on in September!" .

Oh Meatball Sub
Oh Meatball Sub...
You are so thick and hearty
Oh Meatball sub, oh meaty and overall yummy!

 

You smell so good, and taste so real
Id jump over the counter to make you my meal
Oh Meatball Sub
Oh meatball Sub...
You were a cheap 5.00 deal.

 

Pickles, lettuce, tomato and cheese
When the guy asked toasted- I say yes please..
oh Meatball Sub
Oh meatball Sub...
So messy but there are other means (LIKE NAPKINS!!)

 

Its coming to an End,
Down to the last Bite
Oh Meatball Sub
Oh Meatball Sub
Youre my Meatball Friend
And You made my Tuesday Night

 

So it's so long for now
But its ok
Oh Meatball Sub
Oh Meatball Sub
I washed you down with some brown cow.

 

__________________________________________________________________________________

 

Ok, I may or may not be wired thanks to sugar and caffeine right now. :P

I giggle.  A-lot.  To stop once I get started is next to impossible, and because I laugh all the time, its really hard to keep a straight face sometimes.  So imagine my test of giggle power today:

 

 

I had to go have my tire checked out at Canadian Tire, because last night coming home around 11, the tire pressure light came on saying it was low.  Being a semi-paranoid person when it comes to the vehicle (if something is wrong etc), I went to have it checked out this morning.  I'll leave this part of the story at this because its not the revelant part.  I was walking back to my building from the parking garage, and as I was going in, this guy was coming out.  So we each kind of held one of the doors open (theres two) and walked in.  As I was checking myself out in the mirror inside the lobby while walking to the elevator, I noticed the guy was doing a full turn around to check me out going in.  Cue the smirk on my face, and I was standing at the elevator laughing on the inside.  Imagine my luck when the elevator took its sweet time coming down to get me... just in time for said guy to go out to his car, grab whatever he was carrying back in... to join me in the elevator.  My "which floor" question was mostly giggled out.  Embarassing but funny at the same time.  So this guy lives on the 6th floor... so I had to walk past him to get out on my 3rd floor.  To which he smiles and says thank you. :P  What a day. ;) Apparently the straightened hair, short black skirt, and navy top was working for me today. :P

As of late my Facebook photo page has been swamped with baby photos.  New borns, a few month olds, year olds, etc.  I cant even count how many friends have either had babies this year, or have yet to have babies this year.  What I can say its definitely in the double digits, and well over 12  people for sure.  If I had to buy baby shower gifts for everyone Id be broke.  Living off the streets.  No kidding. :P 

 

Congrats to all of the new mommy and daddys out there though. 

 

Someday I think I'll have my own little family.  When I was younger I wanted to be a mommy hands-down for sure.  No ifs ands or buts about it.  I used to say 2 kids... then it dropped to 1, then 0.  It stayed at 0 for the longest time, until recently when I decided even if I had one Id be happy.  Babies are so sweet, innocent, and sure - they cry, poop, and rely on you 24.7 but thats ok.  The smiles, love, milestones, cute little outfits etc make up for it.   Im a planner, strong, independant person.... I'm positive - and everyone that knows me, has said I could handle the hard times and good times of motherhood. 

 

Once I get myself situated financially etc... I know I'll start planning for a couple years from now.  I want to be the perfect mom.  Im not just following the trend either.  Friends both older, younger, and my are now are doing it... but thats not why I want to.  Its like my clock is ticking.  I need to.  Besides that - my friend Heather and I said we had to have babies by the time we were 30. ;)

 

So right... on to finding a man, settling down and making this happen.... ;)

Everyone that knows me, knows I love the store Suzy Shier.  Ive worn their clothing for years, and years.  The one in the mall that used to be nice and big, open and clean,.... organized, and just nice.... is now gone.  Not all together gone though.  Just moved.  This is where it gets bad.  They moved to a store that is less then 1/4 of the size they used to be, I swear.  I hate it now.  You cant find anything because its so crammed, its horrible.  You can barely move, because theres no aisles or open space to walk around anymore.  No.  Now you have paths the size ants would be able to maneuver and thats it.  So good luck shopping.  Im disappointed.  I dont have the patience to have to really really really look for stuff. I want it to be out there, displayed so nicely that as soon as I walk over to that display Im wanting it.  So now, unless I print off the item I notice online and give it to an employee to find.... I cant shop there anymore.  Im very sad.